Fighting Fair
By: Gretchen Bolander
Updated: October 15, 2010
It could be a money issue, or household chores, or even dirty socks. There are countless reasons fights start. Psychologist Dr. Charlotte Trautman said, "They will happen. There is no such thing as a relationship without conflict."
But Trautman added the way you fight can have a big impact on the health of your relationship. She adds it's a good idea to set the rules early on. "You do talk about feelings, you do stay flexible, you stick to one subject. You don't try to take care of everything that happened in the last 5 years. You don't make accusatory remarks - no name calling, no posturing, no getting up in someone's face."
Trautman said good communication is key and specifically listening to what your partner has to say. Also, consider taking ime outs. "Can say I don't want to talk about this right now. They need to agree that's going to be part of the way they're going to resolve their conflicts."
Trautman says some couples assume problems will work themselves out after they get married - but points out it will always take effort to work through the issues.
